grin and tonic.

okay here’s what i think i think sterling is going to die and roger is going to take over the company. megan is going to find some younger man to run off with and don will finally learn he is not don draper anymore and he will slowly turn back into dick whitman while he is dying alone. peggy will not find happiness at that other ad company so she will go back to SCDPH and lane will be arrested for embezzling so it will be COOPER DRAPER HARRIS and roger and joan will get married and raise their child and be happy and then peggy and pete will have another ~we had a baby~ talk but nothing will come of it and then pete will divorce trudy and move back to the city because the suburbs are “a cemetery” and then he will die.

this weekend is already full of lost dogs, engagement rings, and air-conditioned weed habits concealed behind two french doors.

dear sarah #2,

(its ok sarah you can read this now)

I hope you don’t notice this in the drafts folder because i know i won’t be able to finish writing this letter until after i come back from vegas, but even if you stumble upon it before then it’s okay. i want you to know it’s going to be okay.

i’m really nervous about moving too because i know my dad is going to be really stressed about moving me from one unsafe place to another unsafe place. i guess that’s just something they have to accept since i have, but i understand what you mean about your possessions. we’ll pack everything up and help each other, don’t worry, everything will fit. i don’t have much stuff as it turns out so if the room is mostly your things i’m happy. i hope you know how happy i am that we’ll be living together. 

MAD MEN WAS SO GOOD THIS WEEK. i finally finished it today when my cousin was in the shower. i wish they would devote an entire episode to ginsberg because even though he’s a new character i like that he’s ~competition~ for don. that convo they had in the elevator was awesome. also the scene where don looks out the window at the smog was GREAT. “the air is toxic. i don’t want that in here.” i think each episode is going to keep presenting death vs. don until the finale when something really big happens. 

i’m packing right now for vegas and i really don’t want to go. i know that’s selfish of me to admit but i dont find it appealing at all and even though drinks are free there i just feel like i’d rather be at the beach all the time. swimming in the pacific ocean was so indescribable. to know that i was floating in an ocean on the other side of the country, i don’t know, i got really emotional. what a fruit. 

as much as i don’t want you to feel like you have to sacrifice anything, crying is great. i always think people should cry more. i just wish i was there wiping up your lil crocodile tears <3

i had a tummy ache when i woke up today and then i drank a coke. it made me feel better but a coke not shared with you is a coke not worth having.

it’s funny to me that other people are reading our bizarre love letters to each other but i wouldn’t have it any other way. let our freak flags fly.

there is always more to say so i am going to save this for now.

day #3 without vicky garvey.

vicky, victorious, victoria squalor,

i’m sitting on the porch at 3 high waiting for matt to get back from hazlet after the quietest day at work i’ve had all year. i barely spoke, even though shane was there, and fraggle came in during my lunch to sit with me. i told him all about ezra miller and how cool it is that i meet a bunch of famous people without even realizing it sometimes. he was unimpressed, but everyone is most of the time, unless you’re talking about them. sometimes i feel that way when i tell people my dreams, especially if they’re not in them. “you think people are looking at you, but most of the time, they’re not.”

i wish we could have watched mad men together because this episode was very dark. i like that weiner is redirecting the attention between pete and don with every episode, because we thought pete was going to die, but it seems like don is. or perhaps no one is going to die, and it’s only the imagery of death we’re looking at as being somewhat symbolic to either the death of “don draper” or the death of “dick whitman”.

i’m very nervous to move. i don’t know why, because we’re living together, and i think it’s going to be okay. it’s moreso the moving part. everything always seems rushed and half-put-together. i’m realizing that i have an abundance of things that are now mine forever, and i can’t justify throwing away books or clothes because that’s what it comes down to: i either throw them away, or keep them, and all the worn-out memories they come with. i think that’s why i’m upset. it’s time to move on from the past, but sometimes you don’t know how.

yesterday my uncle wrote a note on facebook about mother’s day. this is what it said:

It’s a heck of a thing when you can just pick up the phone, and wish your dear, old mom a happy Mother’s Day. Not so easy to do when the woman who gave you life, held you when you were sick, rubbed your back when you were scared, and always found a way to give you more than she had, is now resting comfortably in the great beyond. That not only goes for my mom, but my sister, who had so much to give her own kids….but time just got away from her too. So here’s to my mom and sister…..this day, and all the joy it brings, belongs to you, no matter where your soul now rests!!!!!

i cried a lot and watched that movie Afterschool, which only reminded me of Phil, and then i cried some more, but it wasn’t really the type of crying that needs consolation. it was more of an “i can’t believe all this shit has happened while i’ve been at college” sort of thing. i think these kinds of cries are necessary once a year, though i feel as if i’ve been crying more and more about the level of sacrifice i’ve reached. that’s what this is all about: i’m so tired of giving things away without a fight, but i’m too tired to fight anymore. i wish i could welcome things with open arms the way you’ve been doing. i hope i haven’t failed you that way.

i hope you come back from california with the same types of memories i had while in new orleans. i’ve never fucking been happier than i was on either of those plane rides, even though i was strip-searched in an airport before 4am.

matt keeps saying that he doesn’t want to be at 3 high anymore, but i think he forgets that we need those memories, too. i’m sure we’ll talk more about this, but i feel like all of our good times in that place are waning as the first of June looms closer and closer.

on friday i’m going to the city, though your company will be missed on the train ride, and that’s almost enough to make me want to sleep until you come back to the right coast.

you’re always on my mind,

sunshine.

dear sarah,

my cousins have taken me around to a lot of cool places but whenever we’re in the car (which is a lot of the time) i am constantly thinking of new brunswick and what you guys are doing. i hope you’re having fun with matt and it breaks my heart to think that 3 high is going to be no more when i get back. this is a great trip so far but i can’t help but feel like the timing is wrong. like i said, i wish you both were with me. hugh and neil have been awesome at showing me things but whenever they play the Drive soundtrack i just want to scream I CANT EEEEEAAAT. I CANT SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEP. I DO NOTHING BUT THINK OF YOOOOOOOOU. 

FORGET FRAGGLE.

there are a lot more things i want to write/say but there’s a lot more to do so i hope i will have a nice and neat little narrative for you when i get back.

love always,

vicky